Looking back through 2019-2020 Journal
Entry from November 5, 2019
I was soaking in the bath just now. Thoughts were rushing through my mind, causing tears to well at the surface.
I heard: “you’re just in a pause right now”.
At first I wanted to respond with the natural fear tendencies (frustration, stress, worry, question). I watched those feelings rise and saw the negative spiraling thoughts getting thicker.
And that’s when I looked down at my belly, rising up and down in the water with my breath. I started playing with the pauses, watching as it was covered by the water when breath was pushed out of my body, then would rise above the surface as water pulled under my breasts. Such is the water’s tide, which will momentarily pause at the top and bottom, each phase crucial for very specific life to carry on.
This mindful observation went on for many minutes.
And just like that - I’m back. Back to me. Back to trusting. Back to loving. Back to caring.
As I pulled myself out of the tub, I heard: "You are alright. You are growing. You are learning. You are making a difference. You are needed. You are a part of community. You are supported. You are teaching. You are at peace. You are with family. You are with your love. You are still on the path. You are still listening."
That’s enough for now. This was the first time that I felt called to write and that I actually understand my feelings in over a week. That feels good.